Introducing a new series of poems by Julian Matthews. Julian is a writer and Pushcart-nominated poet published in The American Journal of Poetry, Autumn Sky Poetry Daily, Borderless Journal, Beltway Poetry Quarterly, Dream Catcher Magazine, Live Encounters Magazine, Lothlorien Poetry Journal and The New Verse News, among others. He is a mixed-race minority from Malaysia and lived in Ipoh for seven years. Currently based in Petaling Jaya, he is a media trainer and consultant for senior management of multinationals on Effective Media Relations, Social Media and Crisis Communications. He was formerly a journalist with The Star and Nikkei Business Publications Inc
Link: https://linktr.ee/julianmatthews
By Julian Matthews
The box is heavy
but I hold on to it anyway
When younger I used to be able to heave it
in the air in a single movement
like those clean-and-jerk weightlifters
at the Olympics
You get a grip on either side, take a deep breath
then up it goes onto the shoulders
I could even swing it above my head, if I so desired
no one to judge me
or ask me to lower it for my own safety
I am too old now to do this
without, maybe, pulling a muscle
or snapping my spine
But I treasure the box, and have added to it
over the years
with keepsakes and heartaches
broken dreams and shattered schemes
unfulfilled potential and the hopelessly
sentimental
Through the years, I have emptied
my pockets of maybes, what-ifs, if-onlys
and placed them safely in there
The could-haves, should-haves, would-haves
have filled every corner
It’s stuffed with never-enoughs
I can’t take the box anywhere anymore
It would exceed my baggage allowance
on any flight
Besides, it’s not something you can bring up
in conversations either without being dissed
for hanging on to it for so long
I often find myself peeking inside, reminiscing,
only to slam it shut and walk away!
If I should lose the box in a fire or flood,
it will be a total write-off
I can’t insure it against any disaster
or ever get back what’s lost
forever
Maybe then, I may not even miss it
or you
First published in Men Matters Online Journal, Issue 10, Malaysia.
