The Dark Side of Caregiving: A Personal Account

By Pak Peter

Intent and Purpose:

This is a public awareness campaign aimed at people living with dementia, their family caregivers, legal guardians and members of a senior-citizen-friendly community.

Its purpose is to highlight a real risk faced by vulnerable individuals and to encourage vigilance, accountability, and better safeguards within caregiving arrangements.

My story – Pak Peter aka Peter J Bucher

Caregiving is often associated with compassion and trust. While many caregivers are ethical and dedicated, there is a less-discussed reality that families need to be aware of – the risk of exploitation faced by vulnerable seniors.

I am the primary dementia care partner to my wife, Irene who has been living with vascular dementia since January 2020 and is registered as OKU. I have been caring for her full-time for the past five years.

In 2024, I underwent three unsuccessful hip replacement surgeries, which left me temporarily immobile. During that period, both my wife and I were largely homebound and unable to manage daily tasks independently. As a result, we engaged a home nursing service to assist with daily medical care.

Because of our limited mobility, the nurse occasionally helped us with errands, which we accepted in good faith. In practical terms, this sometimes meant granting access to resources such as the use of my car, strictly for caregiver-related purposes.

Discovery of Financial Abuse

In early October 2024, I noticed unusual transactions on my wife’s credit card.  Upon investigating further, I discovered that the card had been misused without our knowledge or consent. The unauthorised spending started as early as June 2024 and continued over a period of approximately four months.

The total amount misappropriated was about RM 15’000.-. The transaction involved miscellaneous purchases, including spending at a direct sales company in Ipoh. This was a clear case of financial abuse and serious breach of trust by the caregiver.

I filed a police report in October 2025. During the reporting process. I was told that cases like this are not uncommon and are reported regularly. That was deeply troubling to hear.

A Wider Issue

This experience highlighted for me a poorly regulated grey area in caregiving- one that disproportionately affects senior citizens and people living with disability. Financial abuse often goes unnoticed because victims may be unable to communicate clearly or understand what is happening.

I share this experience to urge families, guardians, and senior citizens to remain vigilant. Regularly monitor financial records, safeguard valuables, and do not hesitate to ask questions or report suspicious behaviour.

Quality of life in caregiving must include not only physical care, but also safety, dignity, and accountability.

               If we know better- We can do better (Maya Angelou)

Call for Vigilance

I strongly urge to remain alert and vigilant

•         People living with disabilities
•         Senior Citizens
•         Family members and legal guardians
•         Safeguard, cash and valuables
•         Credit and debit cards
•         Jewellery
•         Important documents

Do not hesitate to:

•         Ask questions
•         Monitor financial records regularly
•         File a police report (in English or Bahasa Malaisia) when there is reasonable cause.

Speaking up is not shameful. Staying silent only allows such practice to continue.