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Introducing a new series of poems by Julian Matthews. Julian is a writer and Pushcart-nominated poet published in The American Journal of Poetry, Autumn Sky Poetry Daily, Borderless Journal, Beltway Poetry Quarterly, Dream Catcher Magazine,  Live Encounters Magazine, Lothlorien Poetry Journal and The New Verse News, among others. He is a mixed-race minority from Malaysia and lived in Ipoh for seven years. Currently based in Petaling Jaya, he is a media trainer and consultant for senior management of multinationals on Effective Media Relations, Social Media and Crisis Communications. He was formerly a journalist with The Star and Nikkei Business Publications Inc


By Julian Matthews


I wish I could bring you back to life
I wish I could ask again for your advice
And really listen this time
And record you
And put it on volume 10
And on endless repeat
So I can hear you again and again
Until it seeps into every pore
It burns into my very core
So internalised that it manifests itself and busts down doors
Like a muscle memory reflex
The experience of constancy
That bounces into action
And saves the day

Cause the nights are all I have now
And I am so alone in making these furtive calls
And the ghosts of our past conversations wander in and out empty, mazey halls
I only hear your whispers in huddled corners
Ear pressed hard against the wall
The echoes diminishing with every call

When does the adult stop childishly yearning for a mum’s cuddle?
When does a child start adulting and know the adult thing to do?

I wish I could resurrect you today
There is no bible to reference your signs
No psalms to sing for which all the lyrics would tumble out in rhymes
No prayer you taught me comes answered with the clarity of a chime
I want you here and now to save the day
The way you saved mine
I am no hero
Only human
And this saviour thing
is beyond me…

First published in Live Encounters Poetry and Writing Magazine, Bali, Indonesia.

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