Introducing a new series of poems by Julian Matthews. Julian is a writer and Pushcart-nominated poet published in The American Journal of Poetry, Autumn Sky Poetry Daily, Borderless Journal, Beltway Poetry Quarterly, Dream Catcher Magazine,  Live Encounters Magazine, Lothlorien Poetry Journal and The New Verse News, among others. He is a mixed-race minority from Malaysia and lived in Ipoh for seven years. Currently based in Petaling Jaya, he is a media trainer and consultant for senior management of multinationals on Effective Media Relations, Social Media and Crisis Communications. He was formerly a journalist with The Star and Nikkei Business Publications Inc


By Julian Matthews

 You ask why I write so many “I am sad” poems
And I say my words are earthworms after rainfall
They breathe easier on the surface,
or else they’ll drown with me underground
Some are easy pickings for birds, hungry to serve
Some are in search of deeper graves

I am wary of smiley-happy people
Those who claim to have it all together
The cheerleaders who are only there for the game
But vanish when there’s no applause to be gained
Too chill to understand, too cheerless
to step into their own misery
I rather be real than play pretend
This is the mound I die on

It’s a morbid calling, I know
a failing grail quest, a never-ending path of broken trails
My wallowing is a fall off the wonderwall
Every night I creep down a crypt of deathly hallows
Depression doesn’t take a day off
You can’t catch a break from loneliness
You can’t take sick leave for being just sad
Some days are bad days just because

I no longer want this dread inside me
I put it out there as a salve, a reprieve, a relief
It’s the long goodbye for this unburied pain
My poems are earthworms sensing the storm above
They hear the pitter patter of rain
Then arise to meet their maker
Depression is the dirt they crawl out of
Grief is a shallow grave
and I am its slave

First published in Live Encounters Poetry and Writing 14th anniversary anthology, edited by Mark Ulyseas, Bali, Indonesia

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